the space between

Every once in a great while, I’ll be lying in bed, patiently waiting to fall asleep, and I’ll hear someone’s car alarm beep outside. They must have a Subaru. It sounds just like Tragic’s.

For a split second, I’ll expect to hear his keys in the front door, and be greeted with a warm body curling up against mine in bed.

"dear Librarian, wtf?"

i’m bothered by this thing with Librarian more than i probably should be. i realize i should just be like, “no worries, he just wasn’t the one for me” and move on.

the only thing i can come up with is that between our texting on Wednesday night and my text Friday morning, he met someone more ______ [fill in the blank] than me…this person must’ve been so amazing, that he felt the need to stop talking to me altogether. had he not texted me on Wednesday, i probably wouldn’t be so confused. 

which, truth be told, doesn’t make me feel that awesome about myself at this current point in time - hence the frozen custard and Lifetime movies this weekend. i’ve also been wallowing about some behaviors (or lack thereof) on the part of my girlfriends and that’s been making me feel pretty shitty too.

the thing with my friends and with Librarian both revolve around feeling as though i’m not good enough, disposable or sub par in one way or another…you’re supposed to blame that on your childhood or something, right?