the space between

 callingsarahkat replied to your post: the insecure ramblings of a novice dater

I don’t understand what the point of the whole be-as-charming-as-possible-and-then-disappear thing is. If I don’t like someone it’s pretty apparent. How are they all so good at pretending for one night and why?!

it just seems cowardly and pointless…and it’s making me bitter. i’m going to start unintentionally rolling my eyes at the next guy who tells me what fabulous time he had. then i’ll look like a bitch. i’ll have to make a mental note to keep that in check.

incognerdo replied to your post: the insecure ramblings of a novice dater

Holy hell… You spoke my mind completely. It seems like the only second dates I get are from the weirdos.

glad i’m not the only one!

pink-skies replied to your post: the insecure ramblings of a novice dater

I know exactly what you’re going through. What helped me was to go out with other guys at the same time even if I wasn’t smitten, because then I’d be busy and not have so much time to think. If they didn’t call/text, then it was just onto the next 1

you know, it’s weird, i feel really guilty talking to more than one guy at a time. it makes me feel like i’m doing something wrong…that and i have a bad short term memory, so i get my facts a little confused :) but thanks for your opinion! i’m going to back off of dating for a bit, but i might give this a shot in the future!

expiration date

my match subscription expires next week and i won’t be renewing it, at least not any time soon.

who would’ve thought i’d have better luck on okcupid? the weirdos and freaks aside, i’ve had significantly better dates via okcupid than match. not to mention, it always seems like the match/eharmony guys have weird complexes:

  • Nick IT (eHarmony): divorced guy who latched on to the first normal girl (me) and was convinced i was the one because he was so desperate to be in a relationship.
  • Jon Finance (eHarmony): freakishly compulsive texter.
  • Chad Analyst (match): freakishly compulsive texter who didn’t feel a “connection” over text messaging.
  • Jerry (eHarmony): do you all remember Jerry? the guy that wouldn’t take no for an answer? i originally “met” him on eharmony, but “ran into” him on okcupid and he asked me multiple times to have dinner with him. (“and if you don’t find me repulsive, worst case scenario is that you get a free dinner out of it.”)
  • Joe Stylist (match): the questionably gay hair stylist.

not a good track record.

date with Joe Stylist

so remember how i wasn’t going to be judgmental? and that just because he was a hair stylist didn’t mean that he was going to be feminine?

um, yeah.

we had a coffee date, and i get there, and he’s already up at the counter. i thought he actually looked really great - he had good hair, and his clothes fit him well. he does yoga and works out, so he’s in great shape. i was initially really attracted to him so i thought this might actually be a really great date. he says hi and gives me a hug, and explains that he was impatient so he had already ordered his drink. we were supposed to meet at 7:00, and it was 7:01.

so i order my drink, and just as the guy at the counter rings me up, and gives me my total of $3.94, Joe Stylist conveniently wanders away and i pay for my drink. i want to make it clear that i don’t expect a man to pay for me, but on a first date - that is a coffee date, no less - you better fork over the $3.94 for my latte.

i didn’t want to judge since i don’t know what his financial situation is, so i let it go. we sat down and started talking i immediately feel more masculine than he is. you can’t convince me that this guy isn’t gay. he has a “friend” adam, that he goes on vacations with, goes golfing with, goes out to eat with. all he talked about was the fabulous things he and adam do. on top of the serious femininity, he’s also occasionally pretentious and snobby, which i can’t tolerate.

ugh. i missed the Bachelorette for this?

…it’s like trying on shoes, or something.

so everyone has a “type.” mine is usually some sort of artistic, quirky guy. i usually go for brown hair and brown eyes, but that’s probably just a coincidence. he usually has some sort of a bad boy streak to him and is dangerous or exciting in some way.

in other words - i generally always lean towards flip flops.

i’m making an attempt in dating to try on the wedge heels, if you catch my drift. not something i would normally go for, but i might actually find incredibly comfortable and fitting.

i have two guys on my radar. i mentioned Joe Stylist briefly. he co-owns a salon and is a stylist (obviously). i automatically assume he’s too feminine for me, given his profession, but i might be incredibly wrong, so we’re getting coffee on monday. given what he does, he’s probably a really good conversationalist, and probably understands women better than most men. plus, he took the initiative to ask me out…and a discount on hair products doesn’t hurt.

the second guy is Luke Cowboy. he winked at me on match. he’s incredibly good looking, intelligent (graduate degree and he’s a teacher) and if there was ever the quintessential rugged cowboy, he’s it. i’m crossing my fingers he’s not in love with country music, because i can’t get on board with that. but he’s all about riding horses and camping and whatnot…i never really got into the whole rugged man thing until recently. it’s sort of a turn on.

so those are my wedge heels that i’ve decided to try on to see how i feel. i’ve leaned on flip flops for so long, that maybe another shoe might just fit a little better nowadays. you never know.

this is probably one of my favorite cut and paste messages. notice the last sentence…i received this today. on a thursday.

hey I saw your profile and had to email you. You seem like an amazing girl not to mention win the award for most beautiful smile on here. I think we’d really hit it off. I am a funny sarcastic guy who can keep you laughing all day but also have a serious romantic side to me and I love kids. I’m a hard worker. I love to travel and am a huge sports fan. Anyway I would love to get to know you better so email me and we can chat. Hope you’re enjoying your weekend.

Dan

so this guy…

…has been super persistent on match. he favorited me, winked, commented on a photo and sent a message. not on the same day, but over the last month or so.

his profile was initially about 3 sentences and i wasn’t interested, but i checked it out again and he had elaborated a bit and it sounded like we did actually have some things in common, so i thought i’d give him an opportunity to wow me with his killer personality. i replied to his message and asked a few questions.

he replied back…and didn’t ask a single question. fail.

it’s not that i can’t respond, because i can. i can offer up miscellaneous information, facts and experiences about myself. i can come up with questions based on your response and your profile to keep the conversation going. but i sort of don’t want to.

i want to tell him that asking questions not only shows a girl you’re interested in her, but also keeps the conversation from being entirely one-sided. i haven’t decided if i’m actually responding yet.

no connection

i received a text from Chad Analyst last night while i was getting ready for my date with Joe Engineer.

Hi, I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling the connection. Good luck out there!

i responded, and wished him good luck as well, and mentioned how i felt a little overwhelmed by receiving a text from him every few hours when we hadn’t met in person yet, and that other women might feel the same way. he didn’t respond to that.

i can totally respect this type of message after you’ve been on a date with someone. i would gladly welcome it as opposed to a guy just vanishing, but to decide that you aren’t feeling a connection over text is silly. i hate having conversations over text message, which could possibly be my downfall, be it 2012 and everything.

i hope he doesn’t sit up at night, wondering why he’s single.

message madness

How casual are you in the sex department?

i’m not.

Hi, I find your profile very interesting. We have quite a few common tastes and I am sure it would be wonderful knowing you better. :)

Have a good time.
~KK

the message is fine, nothing earth-shattering, but i don’t understand the “have a good time” comment.

Wow! (:

flattering? i think?

I read your profile and liked what it said and i think you are attractive. Would like to hear more about you.
I live in Milwaukee by 60th n Forest Home.
I have an 8 yr old daughter.
I am a fun, guy with a good sense of humor that likes live music,summer is coming so going to the festivals are a must, camping, hiking, movies whether in the theater r at home, going to Brewer, packer n badger games, going and doing things with friends and family. I don’t drink too often, don’t smoke but don’t mind if my partner does either.
I work as a supervisor for a small manufacturing, die cutting facility in Butler, Marian Inc and they make parts for companies like Rockwell, Allen Bradley, GE Healthcare to name a few. I am also good with my hands and have been working with wood and doing carpentry and wood projects for about 25 yrs n started that wih my father when i was younger.

hear from you soon

Chris

did you really read my profile? somehow this sounds an awful lot like a cut and paste. also, i don’t think any woman likes a message where a man goes on about himself.

Hi How are you? My name is Eric. I’m 25. I live in Kewaunee, originally from Oshkosh. I’m in the Marine Corps. been in for seven years. I enjoy the outdoors, things like hunting, fishing, and camping. I also volunteer as a assistant scoutmaster in a boy scout troop and have coached little league baseball. I have a four year old white German Shepard, her name is Bella. She was a rescue. I also have a husky puppy named Chaska. If you like to know more feel free to ask.

Eric

yet another where a dude just goes on about himself…and he’s literally a boy scout.

either a drought or a flood

it seems like if i change up my picture and freshen up the text in my profile, that i get thrown back into some kind of rotation or something.

besides Joe Engineer, i have two other promising guys that have crossed over into the phone number exchange phase.

Chad Analyst - very good looking guy. he’s 34, divorced with two kids who are 7 and 5. i’ve mentioned before that a guy with kids is almost ideal because i’m not able to have kids of my own. i’ve grown up being okay with that, so a guy with children totally eliminates the issue of dating a man who really wants them. regardless, he’s funny, very smart, witty and a little nerdy. i love a guy with dark rimmed glasses. he left me his number in a message this morning, so i’ll probably be texting him tonight sometime.

Joe Stylist - i started talking to him a little while back, and since Chad Analyst and Joe Engineer have come around i’ve lost a little interest in this guy. he’s sort of at the bottom of the stack right now. he’s 32 (i think), a hair stylist, co-owns a salon and does yoga regularly…i think he might be a little too much like my girlfriends. i like a guy that’s a little more masculine, and he doesn’t really come off that way. in comparison to the other two, i think i have a better connection with the other guys. not sure what to do about this guy. he gave me his phone number a few days ago and i have yet to contact him.

ugh.

I’m glad I didn’t bother naming that guy, because he’s out.

I should know better than to start a conversation with a guy with one picture. Call me superficial. He took it upon himself to send me a couple more pictures, one of which is him in a pirate costume. And for the record, goatees are my least favorite thing a man can do to his face.

He went from tattooed rock guy to burly biker with bad facial hair in a matter of one second.
I was immediately turned off.

I’m a terrible person.

And on another note, bikers and African American gentleman seem to take quite a liking to me.